I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
