I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
