Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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