I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
