Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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