she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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