Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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