yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
