Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
