I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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