So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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