i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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