Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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