somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
false alarm, still single
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize