i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize