what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
