I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
