I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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