Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
