I don't think brook has ever known best
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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