In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
