Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I supernannyed him into submission
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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