I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
there is glitter all over my balls
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize