i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
