Moan for me like Helen Keller
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
