Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
