love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
