M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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