This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
