I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
