ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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