You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
