Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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