I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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