if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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