I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
