i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
