Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand Curling. That high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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