I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
