Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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