HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
