these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
