the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
