I think i peed on brittanys purse
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
