i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
