How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
