2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
