So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
