We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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