When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
