Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
