Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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