Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
