my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
