I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
