Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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