HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
