Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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