well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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