My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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