Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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