Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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