I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
