Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
