he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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