Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
