I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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