All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
