70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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