just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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