I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
