She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
