I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
