This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
