fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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