you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
