im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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