What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
