Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
false alarm, still single
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
