OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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