After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a search helicopter?!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
