i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
