Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
