i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
