I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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