she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
