I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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