Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize