just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
