problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
