dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize