wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
