I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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