he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
