If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
