I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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