a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
