??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
