I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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