He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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