shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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