so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
