I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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