so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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