Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
