you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
