And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
